Mom am I?

After Tabetha was born, she went for about a 4 month period where she didn't really like to go longer than 15-20 minutes without nursing if she was awake.  I remember on one occasion Chris was going to take her for a walk so I could have a break.  I nursed her while he got ready, we quickly dressed her and strapped her into the carrier, and off they went.

They didn't make it out of the driveway before she started screaming, and it's not an especially long driveway.

When he brought her back in she latched on like she was starving.

So I got used to only having one identity - Mother of Tabetha.  My whole life got subsumed into that one role because trying to remember that I was ever anyone else was too frustrating.  I wasn't working, so I wasn't that me anymore.  I didn't get to go out with friends without Tabetha, and with stitches still healing and an infant seemingly permanently attached to me, it seemed like that was it.  I was an accessory to a beautiful baby - half the time I didn't even notice if someone greeted her and not me!

And then she got a little bit older, and I started leaving her for short periods of time.  I'd run to Dairy Queen to bring back ice cream, or to the store to get something for dinner, or send her out for a short walk.  And I realized that I'd forgotten how to be me.

I caught myself wondering how people would know I was Tabetha's mom when she wasn't with me?  Not healthy.

I started making more of a deliberate effort to leave her with other people, to have conversations that weren't about her, and to try to remember what it was like being me.

I'm back at work now and it's easy there - I just slid back into being the me I've always been at work, and set mommy me aside.  Actually it's almost jarring sometimes when someone asks about Tabetha - not because she isn't always my favourite topic, but because I haven't quite reconciled those two people yet.  I expect that as she continues to grow more independent (something fervently wished for, if somewhat scary) it'll get easier.

It does give me a lot more sympathy for women who choose to stay at home and raise their children who then, for whatever reason, end up back in the workforce.  If it was that hard after a year, how hard would it be after 5? 10?  20 even?  I always knew I was going to go back to work, and take up that identity again.

Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble - Tabetha picked up a bug at daycare, which she then bounced back from - but not before passing it on to me, and apparently my 11 month old has a better immune system than I do....

Tabby's Cats

Before Tabetha was born I did a lot of reading about introducing a baby into a house with pets, specifically cats.  We have three, and I wanted to make sure it went as smoothly as possible.  I read all about gradual introductions, and giving the cats things of the baby's to smell, and playing audio recordings of babies crying to get the cats used to it, etc etc etc... but the truth is I didn't do any of those things and the introduction went far more smoothly than I'd even hoped.

The feline members of the family are:

we gave a copy of this to the vet as proof -
or she'd never have believed it!

Circe.  Our only girl, and the matriarch.  Circe is one of two cats Chris bought me for my birthday in 2003, when he first moved to Canada.  Many of our friends have only gotten to know her in the last year and a half - Circe was the original scaredy-cat for years, and really started coming out of her shell when the delicious pregnancy hormones kicked in.  Circe is a momma cat, though she's never had a litter of her own.  We thought that when we brought Tabetha home from the hospital we wouldn't see her for a few weeks - instead she took to following us around to make sure we treated her baby with the care she deserved.  She is still much more willing to be mauled than anyone thought possible!

Lucius.  He's all white with the palest pink ears, nose, and paws, and he looks positively angelic.  His hobbies, however, include meowing at the top of his lungs in the middle of the night and randomly beating on our other boy cat, so looks are pretty deceiving in this case.  We got Lucius in the summer of 2007 after having to put our cat Ulysses down.   He's the least likely to have anything to do with Tabby, but when she was smaller he liked to crawl into my lap when she was nursing and lie back to back with her.

Now, when Tabetha chases after him he almost always evades, but occasionally he will submit to me taking her hand and running it down his back in my attempts to teach her to be gentle with the kitties.

Lastly, there's Nox. We got Nocturnus, nicknamed Nox, at the same time we got Lucius.  Nox was my baby before Tabby came.  One of his favourite ways to fall asleep at night was flopped on his back wrapped in my arms like a teddy bear, purring like a fiend.  It took me two months to train him out of trying to sleep lying on my face. This is the cat I could take in the shower with me and bathe without getting scratched - not because he likes water, but because he was so completely and utterly mine.  (I'm pretty sure he thinks he's a dog.  He also plays fetch, comes when he's called, and eats scraps off the floor.)

My mother was really concerned that Nox would be jealous when the baby came and that we might have problems with him.  Instead, this is the cat who will literally come and lie down at her feet when she's jumping, and purr while she stomps all over him and giggles.

A lot of people have reservations about babies and pets, especially cats.  Some of it is warranted - babies are warm and soft and don't move much, and I have certainly seen cats try to lie on them - Nox included, with a friend's baby who was visiting.  I certainly didn't give the cats any unsupervised access to the baby at all until she outweighed them substantially and I'd had months of observations, and I still make sure she can't somehow corner them or make them feel threatened.  Any animal can hurt a child under the wrong circumstances, and I think it's my job to keep circumstances from heading that way.

So far, though, watching them interact has been wonderful.  They are incredibly respectful of her space and her things.  I have only had to chase Nox out of her crib once since she started sleeping in it, and none of her toys have cat bite marks.   When she gets too rough with them, they simply leave, but their patience for her enthusiasm is pretty wonderful.  In return, Tabetha is already learning that there are creatures smaller than she is, that she needs to be gentle with them, and that they're fun to be with.

Pretty good lessons, I think!

Confessions of a Gear Junky

Today I ordered my third stroller.  And... I still have the first two.

My first stroller, which I reviewed here, is the Mutsy 4Rider.  I also have a Bugaboo Frog, which I picked up for bombing around downtown when I sent the 4Rider to live at my dad's for when we go to visit.  And I thought I was done, but...

Tabetha starts daycare next month (too soon! too soon!) and her daycare is on the second floor of the building, and it's a looong flight of stairs.  The daycare is only 500 metres away from our house, so the plan is that when the weather's decent my husband will walk her to daycare and leave the stroller there, so that when I go to pick her up at the end of the day I can walk back with her.

The Frog is a lovely stroller.  I really like it a lot.  But it has a two piece fold and while it's compact, it's not stuff-it-in-her-cubby small.  And so I started to get antsy... and then I started doing some intensive searching... and now a new stroller is coming to join our little family.

The Bumbleride Flite (review to come sometime after it arrives and I get to test the heck out of it) is what is known as a convenience stroller.  It folds like an umbrella stroller, and basically that's what it is, but it has way more features.  Sure, it folds down small and has a carry handle to make climbing up and down those stairs carrying Tabby a breeze, but it also has a generous canopy, a reclining back and a decent storage basket.  And, of course, it comes in all the pretty Bumbleride colours and is compatible with the Bumbleride accessories.  Do I sound a little too excited?

It's a sickness.

Dear Tabetha. On the night you were born...

Dear Tabetha

On the night you were born, I didn't know you were coming yet.  We weren't expecting you for 12 more days, and we had been to the midwife just that morning.  She said that my body was getting ready, and that you were so close she could feel your hair!  She thought you might come any time in the next couple weeks, but she didn't think you were quite ready yet.  But at nine o'clock I was downstairs and your dad was upstairs going to sleep.  I went into the kitchen to make popcorn.  (Did you know that every time I make popcorn now I remember the night you were born?  And I make a lot of popcorn!)  I was wearing pyjama bottoms with lots of flowers on them, and suddenly those flowers were very wet.

I stopped the popcorn maker and went to the bottom of the stairs, and I called up to your dad.

"I don't think you get to go to sleep after all!  I think my water just broke!  can you bring me a towel?  And some dry pants?"

Then I called your grampa Gord in Campbell River, and I asked him to go straight down to the Tidemark Theatre to find your grama and grampa Don, and tell them to get on the road and hurry straight here so they could meet you!  Then I called your Auntie Terri, and asked her to come over and eat popcorn with me while we waited.

We called the midwife - Amy - too, but she didn't think you'd come that night.  She told me to get a good night's sleep, and call her in the morning.

I was too excited to sleep.  I wasn't having contractions yet, but I knew I was going to meet you soon and I couldn't wait.

We called Amy again just after ten to say the contractions had started, but she figured it would be a while still.  By this time grama and grampa Don were on the road, and your dad started getting things into the car.  We had a suitcase of clothes for me, and your dad, and for you!  We had a cooler full of healthy food to keep everyone fed for a long labour.  We had my running shoes, and knee pads in case I knelt, and lots of other things.

We called Amy for a third time!  I felt bad about disturbing her at home, but I was pretty sure things were going faster than she thought.  This time she said she would come over and check.  Suddenly I realized something!  I was sitting on a big rubber ball.

"What am I doing?  This thing speeds up labour!  I don't want to speed it up!  I want to slow it down!"  When Amy came I was lying on the couch.  She took a look and suddenly we were in a big hurry to get to the hospital.  Such a big hurry that when your dad stopped for a yellow light, I snapped at him.  "Why are you stopping!!"

As soon as we got to the hospital I sat down in a wheelchair so your dad could push me up in the elevator while Auntie Terri parked the car.  It was a good thing we hurried though, since the paramedic who showed us the way got lost.  It took us a lot longer to get upstairs than it should have, and by the time we got into the labour and delivery room you were very close.  Amy and two nurses flew around the room getting everything ready.  They helped me into the bed, and it was time to push.

Pushing felt wonderful!  So wonderful that after the first pushing contraction I forgot to stop pushing, and the nurse had to remind me.  Your dad was right there the whole time, putting cold cloths on my forehead, holding me hand, and encouraging me.  So was your Auntie Terri.  Then the second pushing contraction came - and so did you!  It was 12:34 am, just three hours and 15 minutes after my water broke.

Amy held you up for the first time.  You were blue and purple and covered in white waxy stuff.  You had lots of dark hair.  You were absolutely beautiful.  You took your very first breath and I watched you turn pink.  I've never seen anything so lovely in my whole life.

Amy put you up on my chest and I guess your dad realized it was okay to relax, because suddenly everyone was rushing to take care of him, because he turned very pale and had to sit down with his head between his knees.  He was fine in just a minute though, and we went back to admiring you.  You were perfect.

Lots of other things happened after that, but the most important part was you arriving safe and healthy and ours.

about me

I guess the first thing I want to say is that none of the companies whose products I talk about even know I exist, so no one is influencing what I have to say.

Other than that, I am a 30 year old mother of one almost ten month old little girl.  I'm currently employed as a professional researcher, when I'm not on maternity leave, and I often describe my job this way:  it's my job to know as much as possible, to find useful linkages, and to be able to draw upon that knowledge base both when I'm asked and when I can see it might be useful.  I bring that same obsessive need to know EVERYTHING to my personal interests, which right now include anything related to my daughter.

Friends of mine have a store that carries everything from furniture to strollers to baby and kid clothes and toys, and I'm fortunate enough to be able to borrow things from them to test out.  It's a pretty neat thing to be able to take a couple of new strollers on vacation, use the heck out of them, and really get a sense of how they work!